Climb the stairs--no. First tell about the stairs. They are wide enough for troops to march and the bannister bars spin. The bannisters once formed a conveyor belt. They are child-painted, all stars and spirals.
Take the stairs two at a time, pass the two-story slide, wave at Sam in his Samwiches shop, hug an orange-shirted Know-It-All, leave the clacking spindles of the Shoelace Factory behind.
Third floor. An exhibit hall with hundreds of purses to the left, to the right train tracks. Remember to plug in the "Beatnik Bob's" sign. "Cold Beer," it says, an arrow pointing to your post. "Smoking Allowed."
Fish for keys. Undo the padlock on the door which has a Bleeker St. address and a metal plaque: "Deliveries in Rear." Swing the door open, prop it with the wedge of wood. Inside all is neon and unhealthy light, sickly yellow and red bulbs dimly burning round the concession stand. Flip a switch to illuminate the stand's name: "Shrine of Shameless Hucksterism."
It's all flipping switches at the start. Bend down to reach the one by the metallic fringe, the one that turns on the lamp with a woman's body. Now you can see the art on the walls: movie monster paintings by that local wrestler, Wayne St. Wayne, a poster for a (nonexistent) Bob Dylan appearance here, supposedly sponsored by long-defunct cigarette companies. The switch just flipped also backlights a row of "stained glass" icons of the Twelve Tribes of Israel.
The next switch isn't in Beatnik Bob's Coffeehouse (which serves no coffee, despite the sign proclaiming the availability of White Castle House Blend), but in the Museum of Mirth, Mystery and Mayhem adjacent. You'd say "outside Beatnik Bob's wall" if Beatnik Bob's had one. As it is, you hop down two steps and you're in the Museum. Pass the lamppost and the ice cream vendor's cart. Here's the switch; light up the wall. The wall says "Odditorium" in Day-Glo. The neon here features arcane religious imagery and lightbulbs in a ring stand for global trouble spots. When they all burn out, a note in chalk says, "Peace will be!"
Down the hall is the switch to make the alien Elvis baby glow green in its casket. Up by the shameless shrine the switch lights up information about the Tiny Trailer of Tragedy. Here Madame Rose the psychic will read palms this afternoon.
Now all the lights are on. Go to the circus for ice to dump in the soda bin. Don't forget to crank open the windows of the coffeehouse so people can wave to passengers on the train.