I would not describe myself as a person with an easy relationship with my emotions. Iíve even been called ěVulcan.î Never with malice, though. No oneís ever treated me with true malice. I almost wish someone would. I could fight back, then, because Iíve a sharp tongue when the situation requires it. But see, thatís wit. My weapons are words and devastating logic. When called on to fight with anything else, I always lose.
My love of words, oddly, tends to cover up the fact that I donít say much. Itís not that I donít talkóget me going and Iíll cheerfully babble about the most esoteric topics. The lesser known Greek myths. The old English custom of ělifting day.î What makes Betelgeuse my favorite star (itís the first one I knew by name) and Delta Leonis my second (I just always thought it sounded cool, and besides, itís in my zodiac sign). But while I talk on and on I never say anything likeÖHell. I canít even provide examples. Things people say when expressing their desires or when something is making them uncomfortable or when they feel sheer gratitude for someoneís existence. And I know these are rarely expressed by anyone in so many words. ěHello. I am overcome by your beauty and greatly desire your body this evening.î I mean that I donít even know the code-talk, the language of movement, the subtle non-verbals which for other people seem forceful enough to drive home meaning.
Iím getting beyond the issue at hand. All I wish to say is that the emotional landscape is, for me, closed space. And my problem is that some decisions cannot be reasoned, only intuited.
I really like the way that you described yourself. Your true self.
Posted by: at September 22, 2003 12:50 PM