We were out walking, he and I. It was a leisurely day and a leisurely walk. The setting sun rubbed gold on the top half of every tree while grey settled on all that was below. It was still light enough for us. Kahn moved quietly by my side, the trembling of the earth beneath him marking his passing more than any sound. He matched his pace to mine, as friends do. I wondered if it was an effort for him to keep his steps slow and his strides the length of a womanís. I let my hand rest on his back right where the mane gave way to desert-yellow fur. He purred softly in response. He had the spirit of a cub in the body of a lion. ìKahn the Kitten,î I thought to myself. He could let himself be young around me. We could go out walking together and not worry about the roles we had to play in the rest of our lives, how incongruous our friendship would be by anyone elseís standards. And so we did go walking any chance we could.
Kahn could feel young with me; I could feel safe with him. Some women like to walk with a ferocious dog as their personal protection. That canít match the sense of security you get with a lion as your traveling companion. Those teeth, those claws, that massive bulkójust one of his paws could cover my entire face. Not that I ever asked him to do that. I would never go for the testing of limits; I never placed my head in his mouth just to see if he would clamp his jaws down. The trust we had in each other was not for show. It had a natural pulse and rhythm as basic as the heartbeat under my fingers, under his fur. He was my friend.
He was also my king, but politics was another thing we would not allow to bar our way. I knew it was important for him to have some time where he wouldnít have to think about matters of state. It was a rule from the beginning that I was not even to address him as ìYour Majestyî during these strolls about the castle grounds lest his mind be drawn back to the dozensóno, hundredsóof niggling concerns awaiting his return.
It was a paradox, because this whole pastime had been started by royal command. My function in the castle was of the civil service typeómy encounters with Kahn stemmed from the necessity of obtaining his go-ahead to issue various decrees. And then once when I had tracked him to the council tree (he was difficult to find when he sensed some dull duty awaited him) he turned to me and said ìHere is my decree. You are to walk the grounds with me this evening. You will do so as a fellow traveler, not as a subject. You are to call me Kahn as we walk. When we have finished, you may think of me as monarch again.î
He explained to me later that he knew he needed to step away from himself briefly, and further he knew he could not do it alone. His whole life was about being alone. As king, by definition he was the only one of his kind in that whole castle. I said ìAnd you sensed I was alone too, a human woman bureaucrat in a world ruled by a different species of creature altogether?î He laughed and said no, I was just who was nearest to him when the idea came to his head that he had to go.
Our walks followed no scheduleówe were both too unpredictably busy for thatóbut we made sure they were frequent. Those who passed quickly learned Kahn was not taking this opportunity to hear the concerns of his people or bless them with his attention. He was there to pad the ground with his heavy lion footsteps and see the last light glance off the treetops.
This evening we were walking with my hand on his back and the grey of twilight snugly wrapped around us both. As I was marveling at the extraordinary vestiges of color on the branches high above us, I felt a tremor run through Kahnís skin. He stopped walking and every muscle stiffened. In a voice even lower than his purr he asked ìDo you think he sees me?î
I shifted my attention to follow Kahnís gaze. Some distance ahead (close enough to see clearly, far enough away that we might not have been noticed yet) stood a tiger. But why would Kahn be afraid of a tiger, so afraid he was actually quaking? There was a rumor making the rounds that a tigress had staged an unsuccessful attack on the unicorn ruler of a smaller kingdom in the south of Kahnís domain. Even at this distance, though, I could tell this was a tiger, not a tigress, and so could Kahn, judging by his words.
ìWhatís wrong?î I whispered.
Kahn shook his head. ìMy spiesÖî He was backing up as he spoke as if he meant to hide behind me. It was the only place to go; he could not have tucked himself out of sight among these trees. We were also too far from the castle walls to make a dash for itóas if a self-respecting king could stoop to that. ìMy spies warned me. He wants to prove it can be done.î
ìProve what? To whom?î I asked. ìWhat havenít you told me?î
Kahnís reply was a sick, choked moan. The tiger had seen us.