You would only notice if you were watching them carefully. Peter often stares at Jesusówe all do. The preacher does not seem to be aware of it; while he speaks he isnít looking at anyone. But if Peter turns his attention elsewhere, Jesus watches him. I suppose heís making sure Peter isnít getting into troubleóa common enough occurrence that everyone guards against it together. Itís a shame he conducts this surveillance surreptitiously, since from the look of it Peter is begging to be seen. We all are.
There is strong physical resemblance between Peter and Jesus, so strong that sometimes they are mistaken for brothers. One difference is that Jesus wears a beard; Peter sometimes does but more often savages it away with his knife. Peterís real brother, Andrew, is a bit older than him and looks more like Jonah, their gruff old father. Looking at Andrew is like meeting Peterís future. Heís one of the Twelve but not in the inner circle. ìIs he jealous of Peter because of that, do you think?î I ask Mary while contemplating whom to approach at supper.
ìI wouldnít be, if I were Andrew. Thereís so much more scrutiny of Peter, James and John. He seems content in the background.î
ìBut Peter wouldnít be content with that.î
ìPeter couldnít be hidden away if he tried.î
James and John are brothers, sons of Zebedee, an even gruffer man than Jonah. Jonah talks tough but Zebedee is a brawler, even with gray in his beard. Jesus calls him ìThunder,î so James and John became ìsons of Thunderîóa gentle mocking, perhaps, as neither of them possess much rumbling wrath. John is the youngest of the Twelve, shy, socially awkward. Jesus treats him like a beloved baby brother; in return, John is intensely loyal to him, more loyal than anyone. Whatever Jesus says, John doesóeven if it means stretching far outside what his solitary nature prefers. And it does. John is often sent in every direction running errands for the travelers. He has to bargain for supplies and arrange for sleeping quarters. He never complains, but when he returns from his missions, you canít talk to him. He has already used up all the words he has portioned out for the day.
James is Johnís opposite, as relaxed and easygoing as his brother is tightly wound. While John is youngest, James is older than the rest, including Jesus. Not much olderóage-wise the inner circle is packed tight togetheróand James projects only the faintest aura of being superior in wisdom and experience. He is the sophisticate (the first trait I thought of was arrogance); John is the child. And while his brother is so close to Jesus that they seem to communicate in thoughts alone, James is the insider on the outside. From my distant vantage point I thought he was deliberately pushing Jesus away. Now that I view him from up close, I donít know if itís that or something else.
The three of them are a unit. You never see them apart. People run their names together into one: PeterJamesandJohn. Jesus is somebody else, even when he is with him. He is the first bright spark of a falling star; PeterJamesandJohn comprise the tail trailing behind.
When I approach, theyíre eating together. Their conversation is grunts between mouthfuls. ìWhereíd Jesus go?î I ask.
ìUp the mountains,î James answers. His tone make it clear that itís all right with him if that preacher wants to wander cold in the wilderness, but he knows where to get a cheery fire and broiled fish.
ìHeís praying,î Peter says, and his tone suggests he might as well have said ìHeís sticking thorns into his flesh.î ìAt least thatís what he told us he was going to do. He goes off like this all the time. You ever come by and Jesus isnít around, tell yourself, ëHeís praying.íî
ìItíll save us the trouble of talking to you,î John says, and the others snort into their fish.
Peter scoots aside to give me a place to sit. ìDonít mind him. Ask whatever you want to ask.î His arms sweep out. ìIím feeling generous.î