At my new Mystery Job they have free coffee. I found it in a break room on the third floor--a machine that pours out regular, decaf, French Vanilla and...what do they call it? Something cutesy--there must be a law saying if you serve a mocha beverage it must have a cutesy name--Mucho Mocha or something. They also have free hot water, but no teabags. "Drink coffee or drink boiling water," that's Mystery Job's motto. They also have those little cups of half-and-half I call "dribblers" because as you try to pry them open invariably you spill half the contents, which is frustrating seeing as there's all of five drops of product in them to begin with.
I went exploring one day and discovered a machine in the second floor breakroom that serves coffee, hot water and...hot chocolate! Yay! Gotta grab a cup and partake! Wait--no cups. So I took the escalator back upstairs, got a styrofoam cup from the third floor breakroom, took the escalator back downstairs, stuck the cup in the machine and...noticed the sign that said "35 cents." Of course I had no change on me. That would have required opening the bottle that said "Drink Me," fanning myself while putting the White Rabbit's gloves on, etc.
(And yes, you read that right. At Mystery Job you can have coffee for free on the third floor but you have to pay 35 cents for it on the second floor. In the first floor cafeteria it's like a buck-twenty-five. You think I'm kidding.)
So even though I don't drink coffee, I've been resorting to pouring eight dribblers' worth of half-and-half in a cup and filling it the rest of the way with Mucho Mocha to get my chocolate fix. And then as I walk back to my workplace, I steal four more dribblers at the free espresso station. They have amaretto-flavored creamer there.
Tip o'the hat to Jimski and his HILARIOUS caffeine-related adventures which reminded me I wanted to share this story with y'all.
Your article was pretty funny. (I must be exceptionally coordinated: I have no trouble with the "dribblers," liking to squirrel them away to take with me when on car trips. Sometimes they make it home and I use them there.) And why is your job a Mystery? What's the mystery about it (besides the uneven pricing of coffee)?
Jimski's article, and the response to it remind me of my husband, Dan, whose favorite drug is coffee, especially when delivered as cappucino, but only the "real" ones, with no added flavors or sugars. One of my friends loves to be around Dan when he's cafffienated, finding him extremely amusing. He does certainly talk faster, and often get a lot of things done while caffienated.
Posted by: Karen J. at March 5, 2006 06:23 PMOK. I'll take the bait. Why is the Mystery Job a Mystery Job? You working for the CIA or NSA? The Men (and Women) in Black? Oh, my sotry 'The Contract' was published on www.nocturnalooze.com. Miss your writing.
Posted by: chirs at March 10, 2006 12:16 PM